Striking Out

Rediscovering my mojo was huge. Once I happened upon that and took some time to rediscover myself, I finally found myself much happier. More content with life and where it was going. And more determined to ensure that, despite everything else, I was going to live my life the way I wanted and do the things that were truly important to me.

There are still days and weeks that are tough, but that's to be expected in any life. We go through periods of feeling lonely, stressed, unloved, and unworthy. But finding that inner mojo makes coming out of those times a very do-able proposition. I have had the opportunity, desire, and drive to ensure that I continue to move forward in my life DESPITE the setbacks, roadblocks and other things that make it seem, at times, impossible.

Having a plan and forecast was also essential. Approximately one year ago I had finally decided to get my career on track. That required me to take a position that, while a significant pay increase, was also a significant cost increase and still paid WAY below area averages for that position. BUT, it would get my career headed in the direction I wanted. The company had poor reviews. I knew the pay was low. Despite that, I knew it would give me a resume that could move me into what I really wanted to do and keep me looking forward.

Don't get me wrong - I loved my work. I thoroughly enjoy what I do on a daily basis. There have been some perks such as telecommuting a couple days a week and a company phone. Since this job was a stepping stone, however, I've had to redirect myself into my future, and unfortunately there are other opportunities that in the long term will serve me better than my current position as the company has lived up to all of its poor reviews, much to my disappointment (since I really do enjoy my work).

Paying the bills and paying off debt, however, are taking priority, as is moving forward in an industry that has a little more to offer, so I began my job search. Much like the last time, I wasn't seeking "a job" but instead was looking for the "right job." A little research and I came across a few opportunities that matched and put my now updated resume out there. One of the companies replied, and a phone interview was arranged. That seemed to go well, and an in person interview was scheduled. Long story short, after another phone interview, a verbal offer now stands on the table.

While my negotiating skills still need some serious work, the offer the job presented is what I was HOPING for - so, rather than feeling the need to negotiate to get into what I wanted, it put me where I needed without negotiations. I'm guessing I could have bargained out a bit more, but to be honest, when something is hitting your target, what else do you ask for? More is nice, but I got a little more than the initial discussion, so I'm not complaining.

I gave the option to my present employer to come a little closer to this a couple months ago. I was told it wouldn't happen, maybe after another 6 months, and if I needed to look around, well, so be it. So be it it was, and here I am. Part of me wishes I didn't have to leave, but I know looking at the bigger picture this is the wiser decision. I'm excited about the prospects here and look forward to what it has to offer.

Gettin' my Mojo Back!

Time does do a lot for healing. It can take you from a curled up heap of sobbing tears to someone who's happy and making things happen. Time did that for me...I was feeling pretty content with where my life was going, I was learning to gain control of things like finances and the like, and I was keeping busy even if a bit lonely sometimes - and I was learning to be okay with that.

There was still a missing element to my healing. I was struggling to put my finger on it - it was easy to blame things like being broke, stressed about work or the lack of dating going on. Despite all of that, however, I knew there was still something missing, some part of me that hadn't fully healed, that I had lost somewhere along the way.

I had lost my mojo.

You know, that special spark that makes you, well, you. That element that gave me my edge. Drove me. Let me deal with thing in a different light. The part of me that was competitive. The part of me that wasn't subtly scared of everything.

Ya, that. I had lost it.

When and where I lost it, I'm not sure. It was somewhere between falling in love and then realizing that the person who was supposed to love me for me didn't. Regardless, I had FINALLY found what it was I needed. Now how to do that in my situation. Of course, being the nerdy type I am, and google being one's best friend, off to the wisdom of the internet I went.

This search actually proved to be very useful as I finally dug up some sites that discussed healing after a divorce over the long term. Let's face it, most "divorce healing" discussions deal with things you're going through that first year or so - the emotions, the let down, learning to do things you didn't have to do before, etc. Most advice out there doesn't pay attention to what happens after that but before you're back to "normal." Finally I found a few places that discussed, literally, getting your mojo back.

One of the huge elements of marriage is that you change yourself to work with the other person. This means that the "you" before them is set aside. These sites discussing needing to rediscover that person. Sure, you've grown and changed and may not want to be the exact person you were before the marriage, but that's where a lot of your mojo is hiding.

Mine, I believe, has been tucked away right there for some time. Probably slowly set aside, slowly sucked and twisted to meet the needs of someone who didn't offer much mojo in return. So yes, I had lost mine. The good news? It's still there, and the advice I came across has already helped me pin down it's location. 

I'm sure this won't be an overnight process, but I'm positive this was the missing element!