Time does do a lot for healing. It can take you from a curled up heap of sobbing tears to someone who's happy and making things happen. Time did that for me...I was feeling pretty content with where my life was going, I was learning to gain control of things like finances and the like, and I was keeping busy even if a bit lonely sometimes - and I was learning to be okay with that.
There was still a missing element to my healing. I was struggling to put my finger on it - it was easy to blame things like being broke, stressed about work or the lack of dating going on. Despite all of that, however, I knew there was still something missing, some part of me that hadn't fully healed, that I had lost somewhere along the way.
I had lost my mojo.
You know, that special spark that makes you, well, you. That element that gave me my edge. Drove me. Let me deal with thing in a different light. The part of me that was competitive. The part of me that wasn't subtly scared of everything.
Ya, that. I had lost it.
When and where I lost it, I'm not sure. It was somewhere between falling in love and then realizing that the person who was supposed to love me for me didn't. Regardless, I had FINALLY found what it was I needed. Now how to do that in my situation. Of course, being the nerdy type I am, and google being one's best friend, off to the wisdom of the internet I went.
This search actually proved to be very useful as I finally dug up some sites that discussed healing after a divorce over the long term. Let's face it, most "divorce healing" discussions deal with things you're going through that first year or so - the emotions, the let down, learning to do things you didn't have to do before, etc. Most advice out there doesn't pay attention to what happens after that but before you're back to "normal." Finally I found a few places that discussed, literally, getting your mojo back.
One of the huge elements of marriage is that you change yourself to work with the other person. This means that the "you" before them is set aside. These sites discussing needing to rediscover that person. Sure, you've grown and changed and may not want to be the exact person you were before the marriage, but that's where a lot of your mojo is hiding.
Mine, I believe, has been tucked away right there for some time. Probably slowly set aside, slowly sucked and twisted to meet the needs of someone who didn't offer much mojo in return. So yes, I had lost mine. The good news? It's still there, and the advice I came across has already helped me pin down it's location.
I'm sure this won't be an overnight process, but I'm positive this was the missing element!
