As my job hunt continues, I've started to run into some things I need to figure out. Number one, this career change is not going to happen on the schedule I had in mind. This means I'm stuck working my tail off at two jobs (one F/T and one P/T) just to make ends meet since neither pays enough to come close to living off of. Secondly, my time frame for "easing into" getting my own business going may very well be sped up and things may be happening far sooner than I had anticipated.
This has forced me to make some decisions: do I pass up on an amazing opportunity to save my sanity? Or do I take the leap, say the hell with having a life right now (well, or at least until I manage to find a decent job) and get this ball rolling while the chance is here? When you're already working more than you would like with very little pay off for you, it's a tough thing to add something else to the plate - but the things being added could have HUGE pay offs in the long run...
Faced with these choices, I mulled it over - and over - and over. I used to believe that there were more opportunities for things to happen, and you were okay to bide your time. I've learned the hard way that is no longer the case. In this economy, in this day and age with so much international exchange of labor, tasks, etc, you can't pass up opportunities when they are presented - at least not if you ever want to obtain your goals. This may be old news to successful people everywhere - but that's just not how I was raised or taught to think. It's a bit of a paradigm shift for me.
My choice ended up being clear, albeit with the knowledge that the very small bit of personal time I was currently getting would be eliminated, and I'll have to learn to operate on not enough sleep - and do it well. It makes me tired just thinking about it! But, it's what I want, and I'll make it happen. It's an absolutely amazing opportunity to jump in with both feet, and take my 10 year goal and turn it into only a couple years. Hopefully it works out, as long as I can keep my focus I'll be okay (even if a little tired), and if it does work out, I'll be farther along in a much shorter period of time than I could have anticipated.
In the meantime, I've got to get some stuff together, paperwork and start doing my homework. And still apply for a "normal" job that will give me the freedom to dedicate some time to this new venture. And still work my full time job. And still work my part time job. And still spend time with my animals. And try to find time to take care of myself!!! OMG, this is going to be an insane ride - really wishing I was 10 years younger right now!
Friday, June 28, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
Quick Reviews and Recommendations 1
So in my hunt to "look the part" for my career goals, I've had to find a few solutions to the issues that have, historically, kept me from accomplishing that. First and foremost has been a VERY limited clothing budget - even Target was typically too "expensive" for more than the occasional shirt. So my hunt for a good location to find clothing began.
I already new about Marshall's where I had found great deals in the past, but they were sometimes hit and miss on pricing - and I needed something up-to-date. I also needed something professional, so that also narrowed my possibilities. Add in that I have longish arms and legs, skirt would solve the pants issues, but jackets - not so much.
Taking some tips from coworkers who shopped locally I took my first trip into H&M. Here I found some great deals, and also found some jackets in the colors I wanted and best of all, they actually fit great right off the rack! Double bonus! For less than $120 I got a jacket, skirt and a couple tops to layer underneath. They fit great, and definitely helped me look the part!
Next was some shoes and a few more layering top possibilities. This led me to try Forever 21. I had never been in there before, either. Oh, was I missing out! Although some of their clothing is definitely way to "young" for me, there was still a very large selection that, pieced together with the right items, could look very professional, or just cute and "put together" on a relaxed day. I found lots of great deals on layering tops and items that I could pair with a suit or jeans depending on the occasion.
Finally I was left with the little touches, like nails and hair. Hair, well, only so much I can do with that. Picked up a few items that will help me hold my "still a tad too short" hair back, and then moved on to nails. Now, I'm HARD on my nails - so painting them isn't very reasonable - #1, I'm likely to have at least one or two that are broken off way shorter than the others, and that's if I've recently filed them to remove dings and nicks. Plus, I'd have to paint them every-single-day, maybe could do every other day if I was lucky. Right now, I simply don't have time for that! So, after reading some online reviews, decided to give the Impress Nails a try....well, I'm impressed! Like I said, I'm tough on nails. These were super easy to put on (my only wish is that the sizes were separated rather than all thrown in together), they have held up for almost an entire week, they were comfortable, looked great and lasted. The length was perfect, too. I put them on last Wednesday, this is Monday and they are all still on and looking good - about the only issue after this long is a few of my nails are starting to grow out so they're about due to be redone. Not the cheapest thing at $8/pop, but if something little like that can make that huge of a difference, I'm all for it! Being quick and easy to put on, plus not ruining my real nails, plus lasting a full week even with as hard as I am on nails - total win!
I already new about Marshall's where I had found great deals in the past, but they were sometimes hit and miss on pricing - and I needed something up-to-date. I also needed something professional, so that also narrowed my possibilities. Add in that I have longish arms and legs, skirt would solve the pants issues, but jackets - not so much.
Taking some tips from coworkers who shopped locally I took my first trip into H&M. Here I found some great deals, and also found some jackets in the colors I wanted and best of all, they actually fit great right off the rack! Double bonus! For less than $120 I got a jacket, skirt and a couple tops to layer underneath. They fit great, and definitely helped me look the part!
Next was some shoes and a few more layering top possibilities. This led me to try Forever 21. I had never been in there before, either. Oh, was I missing out! Although some of their clothing is definitely way to "young" for me, there was still a very large selection that, pieced together with the right items, could look very professional, or just cute and "put together" on a relaxed day. I found lots of great deals on layering tops and items that I could pair with a suit or jeans depending on the occasion.
Finally I was left with the little touches, like nails and hair. Hair, well, only so much I can do with that. Picked up a few items that will help me hold my "still a tad too short" hair back, and then moved on to nails. Now, I'm HARD on my nails - so painting them isn't very reasonable - #1, I'm likely to have at least one or two that are broken off way shorter than the others, and that's if I've recently filed them to remove dings and nicks. Plus, I'd have to paint them every-single-day, maybe could do every other day if I was lucky. Right now, I simply don't have time for that! So, after reading some online reviews, decided to give the Impress Nails a try....well, I'm impressed! Like I said, I'm tough on nails. These were super easy to put on (my only wish is that the sizes were separated rather than all thrown in together), they have held up for almost an entire week, they were comfortable, looked great and lasted. The length was perfect, too. I put them on last Wednesday, this is Monday and they are all still on and looking good - about the only issue after this long is a few of my nails are starting to grow out so they're about due to be redone. Not the cheapest thing at $8/pop, but if something little like that can make that huge of a difference, I'm all for it! Being quick and easy to put on, plus not ruining my real nails, plus lasting a full week even with as hard as I am on nails - total win!
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Determination
Part of my determination stems from the fact that I not only want, but want to enjoy, my life outside of work. I want to race motorcycles, and in order to be competitive, I need tracktime. My current work situation doesn't allow for both - time or money-wise. Add in everything I've been talking about, and I need to find a job that I can really get behind - something that puts my goals in forefront while bringing something else to a company. That, however, also requires the money - because while work is where we spend the majority of our lives, it's not my passion. Being focused on my own goals is making it a lot easier to make these choices though.
After spending a fair bit of time researching the jobs I want to apply to, right down to the nitty gritty details of what to wear to work, I realized I was not dressing for success. Okay, I'm a little fat right now - and although I've been wearing my suits and such to work, they don't quite fit like they should - 5-10 pounds lighter and they'd be great, but right now, they're a bit snug...they're also starting to look a little bit worn since I've been wearing them 5 (or more) days a week for almost 1 1/2 years. So I bit the bullet and made the decision to skip this next race round (it would have been tight, but I maybe could have squeezed it out of my budget) and instead invest in some clothes that I can wear and actually look like I could roll into the positions I want.
Surprisingly, this decision was easier than expected. Missing racing has never really been an option, at least not in exchange for clothes! But, I want this change, and I'm going to make it happen, but it won't happen if I can't present that side to the people who I want to hire me. If I look like I work at a low level position, why in the world would they even consider me? I also decided to break down and rent a car for my future interviews until I get a drive-able car myself - showing up toting all my motorcycle gear simply doesn't work :/ It's one thing once you're working someplace, but that first impression is just off - that first look and I can't appear put together when I'm toting two arms full of gear and a backpack.
The shopping bit kinda sucked, but was kinda nice, too. I found a couple stores in particular that had stuff that looked presentable, fit well, and was reasonable. I now have an outfit that I can modify a couple different ways, and can get me through those first few weeks at a new job until I can afford to buy a more comprehensive work wardrobe. I also grabbed a few items for when I'm not at work - while this may be far less important, let's face it, you never know who may see you where, and I don't want to look like a frumpy mess just because it's my day off....relaxed, sure, but trendy and well fitting can go a long ways.
A few other minor touches and my interview attire is all set! Now all I need to do is land the interview that job that I really, really want! Oh, and then land the job lol!
After spending a fair bit of time researching the jobs I want to apply to, right down to the nitty gritty details of what to wear to work, I realized I was not dressing for success. Okay, I'm a little fat right now - and although I've been wearing my suits and such to work, they don't quite fit like they should - 5-10 pounds lighter and they'd be great, but right now, they're a bit snug...they're also starting to look a little bit worn since I've been wearing them 5 (or more) days a week for almost 1 1/2 years. So I bit the bullet and made the decision to skip this next race round (it would have been tight, but I maybe could have squeezed it out of my budget) and instead invest in some clothes that I can wear and actually look like I could roll into the positions I want.
Surprisingly, this decision was easier than expected. Missing racing has never really been an option, at least not in exchange for clothes! But, I want this change, and I'm going to make it happen, but it won't happen if I can't present that side to the people who I want to hire me. If I look like I work at a low level position, why in the world would they even consider me? I also decided to break down and rent a car for my future interviews until I get a drive-able car myself - showing up toting all my motorcycle gear simply doesn't work :/ It's one thing once you're working someplace, but that first impression is just off - that first look and I can't appear put together when I'm toting two arms full of gear and a backpack.
The shopping bit kinda sucked, but was kinda nice, too. I found a couple stores in particular that had stuff that looked presentable, fit well, and was reasonable. I now have an outfit that I can modify a couple different ways, and can get me through those first few weeks at a new job until I can afford to buy a more comprehensive work wardrobe. I also grabbed a few items for when I'm not at work - while this may be far less important, let's face it, you never know who may see you where, and I don't want to look like a frumpy mess just because it's my day off....relaxed, sure, but trendy and well fitting can go a long ways.
A few other minor touches and my interview attire is all set! Now all I need to do is land the interview that job that I really, really want! Oh, and then land the job lol!
Friday, June 14, 2013
The highs and lows of job hunting
Have you ever felt like your emotions were on a roller coaster and there was almost nothing you could do about it? If you've experienced job hunting in this economy, you'll understand what I'm going through. If you haven't, count your blessings.
I steamrolled into job applications off a high from my goal setting adventure. My resume was updated, I had a kick ass cover letter, and I was determined and focused. The digital application process can speed things along, however, it also leaves that personal touch out of things. I tried to get a few little things into my paperwork that would personalize it a bit, but no matter how awesome you may be, it's still a tough market. With a minimum of two applications filled out a day (often several more), the "radio silence" in responses was tiring.
Then you finally have a positive hit - yay! Interview scheduled - "alright!" you think, "this is it, we're on to another job now!"
Um, ya, not so much. With hundreds of applicants, employers can afford to be VERY picky. If you make it through that maze, and actually end up with an interview, you are still competing against a dozen or more people for one position - and they've already whittled things down to who they feel is the cream of the crop. Sometimes they are doing interviews for WEEKS, and trying to make an impression when 6 other people are getting interviewed the same day is TOUGH. Ugh, time to brush up on interview skills, cause the usual "you're a hard worker, clean, presentable, etc" isn't cutting it anymore.
After a couple weeks of "focused" job hunting I had landed a grand total of two interviews. One of them I was very excited about, and really hoped I would stand out - apparently not. The rejection letter I got yesterday pretty much popped the small bubble I was riding on. Making a career change was going to be difficult - I should have known this, because I've wanted out of the security and retail fields for awhile now - but those were the only jobs I was getting hits on, and as I said earlier, at that time my own goals weren't a priority.
Today dawned a bright new day, however, and I'm back at the computer continuing with the applications. I think the let down would have been easier if I had experienced a few more positive hits - although I've been applying right along (learning not to put all my eggs into one basket), with no other scheduled interviews it's a little tougher to keep my head up as much as I should.
It's officially time to dig deep and find my inner badger! The right job is out there, and I'm going to find it!
I steamrolled into job applications off a high from my goal setting adventure. My resume was updated, I had a kick ass cover letter, and I was determined and focused. The digital application process can speed things along, however, it also leaves that personal touch out of things. I tried to get a few little things into my paperwork that would personalize it a bit, but no matter how awesome you may be, it's still a tough market. With a minimum of two applications filled out a day (often several more), the "radio silence" in responses was tiring.
Then you finally have a positive hit - yay! Interview scheduled - "alright!" you think, "this is it, we're on to another job now!"
Um, ya, not so much. With hundreds of applicants, employers can afford to be VERY picky. If you make it through that maze, and actually end up with an interview, you are still competing against a dozen or more people for one position - and they've already whittled things down to who they feel is the cream of the crop. Sometimes they are doing interviews for WEEKS, and trying to make an impression when 6 other people are getting interviewed the same day is TOUGH. Ugh, time to brush up on interview skills, cause the usual "you're a hard worker, clean, presentable, etc" isn't cutting it anymore.
After a couple weeks of "focused" job hunting I had landed a grand total of two interviews. One of them I was very excited about, and really hoped I would stand out - apparently not. The rejection letter I got yesterday pretty much popped the small bubble I was riding on. Making a career change was going to be difficult - I should have known this, because I've wanted out of the security and retail fields for awhile now - but those were the only jobs I was getting hits on, and as I said earlier, at that time my own goals weren't a priority.
Today dawned a bright new day, however, and I'm back at the computer continuing with the applications. I think the let down would have been easier if I had experienced a few more positive hits - although I've been applying right along (learning not to put all my eggs into one basket), with no other scheduled interviews it's a little tougher to keep my head up as much as I should.
It's officially time to dig deep and find my inner badger! The right job is out there, and I'm going to find it!
Goal Setting and Setbacks - time to bust out a little Honey Badger!
As I set out to embark on the journey of goal setting I immediately hit a road block - um, since I'm actually doing this "for real" (as opposed to for some assignment), how do I start?
I sunk to the level of Googling it - how pathetic it seemed when I was typing "how to set goals" into the search bar. After filtering through a few sites, however, I was glad I did. There were a few useful outlines and processes that I otherwise may have missed, starting with brainstorming. I started jotting down what I enjoyed, what I was good at, what I wanted out of life - you know, things most people have figured out a good 10 years earlier in their life. This process proved to be extremely useful as it helped eliminate a lot of the "floundering" that I felt like I was doing.
So, after a couple weeks of going through these processes, I landed on my goal - in 10 years, I want to run my own event planning business. Which industry (corporate, wedding, tradeshow, etc) I'm leaving a little in the open, but wedding planning appeals to my artistic side...but that's not a decision that needs to be made right now. Next step was breaking down that long term goal and coming up with how I was going to get there. I broke this down into year by year, and sometimes monthly, goals starting from now until then.
After all of that was down on paper, I felt far more focused. I know what I want to do, and I have an idea of what I need to do to get there. Step 1: find a job that will utilize and grow the skills (organization, scheduling, filling in the details, etc) that I will need to be an event planner. This narrowed my job search to just a few fields, but since it's a total career change, I'm finding this to be a little more difficult than I would like. But then again, i guess nothing good comes too easily, but my on-going job hunt will be the subject of a future post.
Step 2: begin planning smaller events. I already found one - planning the Bike Nights at the Cycle Gear where I'm working part time. I'm also going to be hitting up my network of friends to find other smaller events/parties/etc that I can plan or help with the planning of. The only issue right this minute is that I'm pretty much going to be doing this for free or nearly free until I have a few references and a little experience under my belt to justify charging someone. The main hold up for that comes from the simple fact that right now I'm already working two jobs just to make ends meet - which leaves basically no time for side events.
SO, with that realization, I came to the conclusion that finding a job that pays what I'm worth AND can help me get where I'm going is priority number one.
I sunk to the level of Googling it - how pathetic it seemed when I was typing "how to set goals" into the search bar. After filtering through a few sites, however, I was glad I did. There were a few useful outlines and processes that I otherwise may have missed, starting with brainstorming. I started jotting down what I enjoyed, what I was good at, what I wanted out of life - you know, things most people have figured out a good 10 years earlier in their life. This process proved to be extremely useful as it helped eliminate a lot of the "floundering" that I felt like I was doing.
So, after a couple weeks of going through these processes, I landed on my goal - in 10 years, I want to run my own event planning business. Which industry (corporate, wedding, tradeshow, etc) I'm leaving a little in the open, but wedding planning appeals to my artistic side...but that's not a decision that needs to be made right now. Next step was breaking down that long term goal and coming up with how I was going to get there. I broke this down into year by year, and sometimes monthly, goals starting from now until then.
After all of that was down on paper, I felt far more focused. I know what I want to do, and I have an idea of what I need to do to get there. Step 1: find a job that will utilize and grow the skills (organization, scheduling, filling in the details, etc) that I will need to be an event planner. This narrowed my job search to just a few fields, but since it's a total career change, I'm finding this to be a little more difficult than I would like. But then again, i guess nothing good comes too easily, but my on-going job hunt will be the subject of a future post.
Step 2: begin planning smaller events. I already found one - planning the Bike Nights at the Cycle Gear where I'm working part time. I'm also going to be hitting up my network of friends to find other smaller events/parties/etc that I can plan or help with the planning of. The only issue right this minute is that I'm pretty much going to be doing this for free or nearly free until I have a few references and a little experience under my belt to justify charging someone. The main hold up for that comes from the simple fact that right now I'm already working two jobs just to make ends meet - which leaves basically no time for side events.
SO, with that realization, I came to the conclusion that finding a job that pays what I'm worth AND can help me get where I'm going is priority number one.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Goal Setting Cunundrum
I've never really sat down and created goals. Not like, long term career and life goals. This was a new experience. I've done class assignments and that sort of thing, but those were mostly just BS and I wasn't REALLY assessing things - or myself - very closely. Add in that over the past decade or so I've come to know myself much better, understand who I am as a person and why. Remove all of these outside opinions, and suddenly I've got a situation I've never dealt with.
Step one: figure out HOW to go about setting goals. I actually sunk to the level of googling that shit. It proved to be useful. I found some good resources, and starting putting their advice to work. The first couple attempts were failures because I soon realized that I had NO idea what I wanted to be when I grew up! So much of my life had just been the "get whatever job you can to pay the bills while [I] work towards my dreams" that I had lost total focus of what I wanted other than my one passion of riding and racing motorcycles....which sure as shit didn't pay the bills and although a passion, isn't going to carry me into the next decade!
So, taking the advice of one site, I began brainstorming. Literally just writing thoughts down on paper with a pencil. I was focusing on career at this point, so that was the point of the exercise. I had a few things that I was juggling around, trying to weigh the options of, but it didn't take long for me to hit on what it was I've always wanted to get back into - event coordination/planning. Ever since I worked as a training coordinator (basically it was event planning) I have wanted to get back into something similar. I loved that kind of work, I was good at it, and it's actually a marketable skill if its applied right. Plus there are plenty of areas one can focus on, be it weddings to trade shows, so you're not even pigeon holed into one type of work if something else is far more appealing.
As silly as it sounds, it was rather enlightening to actually right down what I wanted to do. Having a 10 year goal in black and white on paper - something I actually wanted to accomplish - was a first for me. That gave me some hope for the future and took away that "floundering" feeling I've been experiencing for YEARS. I suddenly had a goal, and that created focus.
Breaking that goal down, and incorporating the goals of other areas of my life is for another post, but finally coming to this point has been HUGE. For the first time in my life I finally have a goal that is mine and mine alone and I'm the one who can make it happen. Love that feeling right now. Sure, I'm still working my shitty paying job and barely making ends meet, but at least there's a prick of light at the end of the tunnel.
Step one: figure out HOW to go about setting goals. I actually sunk to the level of googling that shit. It proved to be useful. I found some good resources, and starting putting their advice to work. The first couple attempts were failures because I soon realized that I had NO idea what I wanted to be when I grew up! So much of my life had just been the "get whatever job you can to pay the bills while [I] work towards my dreams" that I had lost total focus of what I wanted other than my one passion of riding and racing motorcycles....which sure as shit didn't pay the bills and although a passion, isn't going to carry me into the next decade!
So, taking the advice of one site, I began brainstorming. Literally just writing thoughts down on paper with a pencil. I was focusing on career at this point, so that was the point of the exercise. I had a few things that I was juggling around, trying to weigh the options of, but it didn't take long for me to hit on what it was I've always wanted to get back into - event coordination/planning. Ever since I worked as a training coordinator (basically it was event planning) I have wanted to get back into something similar. I loved that kind of work, I was good at it, and it's actually a marketable skill if its applied right. Plus there are plenty of areas one can focus on, be it weddings to trade shows, so you're not even pigeon holed into one type of work if something else is far more appealing.
As silly as it sounds, it was rather enlightening to actually right down what I wanted to do. Having a 10 year goal in black and white on paper - something I actually wanted to accomplish - was a first for me. That gave me some hope for the future and took away that "floundering" feeling I've been experiencing for YEARS. I suddenly had a goal, and that created focus.
Breaking that goal down, and incorporating the goals of other areas of my life is for another post, but finally coming to this point has been HUGE. For the first time in my life I finally have a goal that is mine and mine alone and I'm the one who can make it happen. Love that feeling right now. Sure, I'm still working my shitty paying job and barely making ends meet, but at least there's a prick of light at the end of the tunnel.
When the realization hits....
This post is mostly going to be a story, a bit of history. Now we all know that the "truth" of any situation lies somewhere in the middle of the two stories you hear - however this blog is about MY story, MY take on things, and how I'M dealing with it....bear that in mind and read on...
Maybe it's just me (although I doubt it) but when it finally dawns on you that you've spent the vast majority of your adult life helping everyone else realize their dreams in hopes that they will return the favor, and you find out that's not the case, it's like getting hit by a bulldozer.
First, it's even coming to that realization. You know something isn't right, you finally decide to do something about it, then you get smacked in the face (almost literally) by someone telling you that their dreams and ambitions are more important, more valuable and will ALWAYS be the priority. In my case, I kinda knew - had known for some time (like years) - that was the reality. Actually having someone tell that to your face still sucks. You question your value, why you were so stupid and at the same time you're MAD! Hurt, anger, loss, and a host of emotions you're not sure how to deal with. Are you making a rash decision? Are you just caught up in the moment?
Once you determine that you have, indeed, wasted the majority of the past decade of your life, you now have to deal with all the emotions and roller coasters that come with that. Everyone has their own way of coping - once my mind was made up, my method of coping was to just strike out on my own and starting putting the past behind me.
At first it seemed okay, then over the course of a few months some realities of relying on only your own income began to set in. Money got tight, and part time jobs weren't reliable. In fact, money actually went from tight to "there's not enough." I wasn't out blowing it on fun stuff, either....I just literally did not earn enough to pay all my bills without a part time job, and when those started proving their unreliability, I was screwed (I still have one that owes me almost 2 months worth of pay :/ ).
All of this forced me to sit down and do some reassessing. First, I realized that I needed to reduce my bills. It was probably gonna kill my credit, but that was dying anyways, so screw it. It also meant making the hardest decision I've made and I ended up moving my retired horse into a semi-rescue situation. These things are bringing my bills into a range I can support on my one job - it leaves nothing for spending or incidentals, but I can pay the bills - barely. Which means any part time work can cover incidentals and maybe, just maybe, the occasional fun. I've given up a lot to pursue racing motorcycles, but unless the part time jobs start coming through (or I manage to finally get a new full time job), that simply isn't going to happen just yet.
My next step was to formulate some goals. Create some focus in my life. For the first time in my entire life, I have my future ahead of me and there's only one opinion that matters about where that is headed - and that one person is me. That realization was rather empowering. A little scary when you've spent well over 30 years relying on other people, or having their opinions carry as much (if not more) weight than your own. Overall though, it was empowering. The next question was just how I was going to go about dealing with that!
Maybe it's just me (although I doubt it) but when it finally dawns on you that you've spent the vast majority of your adult life helping everyone else realize their dreams in hopes that they will return the favor, and you find out that's not the case, it's like getting hit by a bulldozer.
First, it's even coming to that realization. You know something isn't right, you finally decide to do something about it, then you get smacked in the face (almost literally) by someone telling you that their dreams and ambitions are more important, more valuable and will ALWAYS be the priority. In my case, I kinda knew - had known for some time (like years) - that was the reality. Actually having someone tell that to your face still sucks. You question your value, why you were so stupid and at the same time you're MAD! Hurt, anger, loss, and a host of emotions you're not sure how to deal with. Are you making a rash decision? Are you just caught up in the moment?
Once you determine that you have, indeed, wasted the majority of the past decade of your life, you now have to deal with all the emotions and roller coasters that come with that. Everyone has their own way of coping - once my mind was made up, my method of coping was to just strike out on my own and starting putting the past behind me.
At first it seemed okay, then over the course of a few months some realities of relying on only your own income began to set in. Money got tight, and part time jobs weren't reliable. In fact, money actually went from tight to "there's not enough." I wasn't out blowing it on fun stuff, either....I just literally did not earn enough to pay all my bills without a part time job, and when those started proving their unreliability, I was screwed (I still have one that owes me almost 2 months worth of pay :/ ).
All of this forced me to sit down and do some reassessing. First, I realized that I needed to reduce my bills. It was probably gonna kill my credit, but that was dying anyways, so screw it. It also meant making the hardest decision I've made and I ended up moving my retired horse into a semi-rescue situation. These things are bringing my bills into a range I can support on my one job - it leaves nothing for spending or incidentals, but I can pay the bills - barely. Which means any part time work can cover incidentals and maybe, just maybe, the occasional fun. I've given up a lot to pursue racing motorcycles, but unless the part time jobs start coming through (or I manage to finally get a new full time job), that simply isn't going to happen just yet.
My next step was to formulate some goals. Create some focus in my life. For the first time in my entire life, I have my future ahead of me and there's only one opinion that matters about where that is headed - and that one person is me. That realization was rather empowering. A little scary when you've spent well over 30 years relying on other people, or having their opinions carry as much (if not more) weight than your own. Overall though, it was empowering. The next question was just how I was going to go about dealing with that!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)