At what point....

I think I'm about ready to say "screw it" and take whatever I can find. Or at least that's how I feel sometimes. It's getting frustrating and tiring to keep on hunting and in the meantime feeling like I'm spinning my wheels where I'm at. Ugh! 

There are things I want to do and pursue. I'm still pretty focused on my purpose and where I want to go. The main struggles present themselves in the day-to-day frustrations of showing up to a dead end job, still being broke and having no time to dedicate to my long term goals because I'm too busy trying to keep the day to day from completely falling apart (and not always being successful I might add). 

On another note, I finally managed to scrape up enough for a gym membership. This means I can finally start working on getting my fat ass back into shape. I am officially in the worst shape of my entire life - it's horrible. Started working out this past week, and my body went into "workout shock." I gained 5 pounds in a matter of a few days. Yup, you read that right. More than a pound a day....granted, it's almost all water weight (retained in muscles and just general bloating), but it still sucks! I think things are finally starting to equalize after a solid week, but I'm still dealing with enough extra poundage to make me mildly embarrassed to wear clothes I wore 2 weeks ago BEFORE I started working out!

I know it will pay off in a couple weeks when this water weight all starts going away and I can finally see the results of getting my ass back into gear - but it's gonna be a tough few weeks getting this going. Thankfully a workout buddy several days a week helps, plus I'm just stoked to finally be getting back into shape - I really have not felt like myself since I really started to let myself go. My goals are to A) Generally get more fit B) Lose 20 pounds C) Be able to complete 50+ pushups in two minutes and be able to do 50 crunches/situps in the same time and D) Run 1 1/2 miles in 12 minutes (or less) again and E) Get in shape for moto racing (course this may be the first reason, it's just kinda arbitrary hard to define).

So, getting back into shape offers more energy, so HOPEFULLY that can translate directly into an increased ability to get shit done, sleep well (and therefore less) and overall be more productive - and keep my ambition up!